Boob-O-Stat: 4
Date: 19 September 2013
Most Recent Change: +1
Current Streak: +2
Sideboob-O-Stat: 0
Status of Tucker Carlson’s Erection: Deceived
Summary: Ordinarily a slideshow titled “Nine hotties throughout history” that comes with a picture of a sixteen-year-old Leelee Sobieski as Joan of Arc would make you think it’s going to be hot actresses playing historical figures. Even if you just stuck to movies and shows about Henry VIII you could probably get to nine. But the Sobieski image, while counting on the Boob-O-Stat, just leads to medieval drawings and a picture of some tile. What a tease! Don’t worry, though, they still know what they’re about:
There are only so many photos of a smoking hot Kate Upton we can look at in one day, you know?
The AARB’s records indicate that Upton hasn’t made an appearance on the DC’s slideshow in almost two weeks. (Though that was her first absence in a month.) What’s the hold up? There are elderly people who don’t know how to use image search in need of a fix.
What the Hell Is This?
“The boys are at war. All is going as planned.” – Bebes Right Boob
“Yes. Soon all the boys will be brought to their knees.” - Bebes Left Boob
“We grow larger every day.” - Bebes Right Boob
“And stronger.” - Bebes Left Boob
South Park, Bebes Boobs Destroy Society (2002)
The Daily Caller, a wingnut welfare operation masquerading as a fraternity newsletter wrapped in the barest fig leaf of journalism, has a dedicated section on the right hand sidebar of their homepage called Slideshows. This is not uncommon among commercial media sites where pageviews are prized. A slideshow takes little to no time to assemble, requires very little writing or editing, and the pictures used are licensed essentially for free. Like soft drinks in the fast food industry, slideshows are high margin fluff. And just like the bigger drink is an easy upsell, slideshows can be made more appealing with a little gimmickry.
The #1 gimmick in the slideshow juicing game is attractive women. Put a pretty face and/or body in a thumbnail and both men and women are more likely to click it. This leads to temptation of a non-sexual sort in that if tits and ass consistently garner the most pageviews, and your website runs on pageviews, then the way to maximize pageviews would be to maximize tits and ass. Most publications resist this urge through some combination of prudery, respect for women, and embarrassment. But not all.
This series catalogs the ups and downs of The Daily Caller‘s Slideshows sidebar. Will we ever reach a perfect 10 out of 10 on the Boob-O-Stat and experience the horror of the Tuckergasm? Theres only one way to find out.
